Aftermath

After the phone call I called a brother in Christ Cameron and asked told him what happened. It is strange how the awful death of somebody isn't completer till it gets spread. I felt an obligation to tell his friends has i had been closer to them than my parents. but first I had to call and tell work. I explained to Reggie my supervisor he was very understanding. later I would find out my company only offers 3 days Bereavement leave. I had 3 days to mourn my brother then back to work. the first person I called was Ryan brown he wasn't home I left a message. it must of sounded awful cause when he called me back he was instantly upset and asked whats wrong
"Chris committed suicide this morning"
"what f***k no f**k I am so sorry Shepp" Ryan was crying also he had always liked Chris and Chris him i asked him to tell his brothers he loves them and hug his wife Mary for me. then I called will McCoy and shared with him what happened he was absolutely shocked
I let him know i would let him know when the funeral was and such.
then I sat on the couch and stared at nothing. till Kelly offered to take me to chili's where i had a chicken wings and beer Sam Adams I remember staring at the parking lot and thinking my brother was never going to enjoy a beer with me any more...

a few thing you need to know
My brother missed most of the important events in my life.
1. my graduation
2. my wedding (he was supposed to be my best man)
I loved him and I told him that any time day and night he could call me it didn't matter. he was supposed to move to boise that night we were planning to pick him up at the airport that night at 9:00 and everything had seemed fine....
he had talked to my parents the night before and seemed excited I wanted him to come to a program called celebrate recovery to celebrate with me I was getting my 30 day anger free chip. I thought it would help him maybe to accept christ and find a positive path in his life because he drank all the time and that is what celebrate recovery is for it is a christ centered change program
I think he was nervous about that he had told my parents he was going to go to boise state I was going to help him register. to this day i still don't know what he did it
I have a few theories but that is later.

4:45 pm the phone call

Me and my wife Kelly were sound asleep when her phone rang it was my mom. We didn't get to it quick enough.My brother was flying in that night and we assumed it was about his flight though a little early but that was my mom. My phone was plugged in by the dvd rack in the living room and I had to let the dogs out. I got up and let them out I went over to my phone and saw that my dad had called a bunch of times like 10 which was strange I knew that this was a going to be bad news if I called my dad back, but a part of me was too tired to recognize that at the time. I unplugged the phone and called my dad he answered right away
"dad is everything okay? I asked"
"Son your brother shot himself" he replied in his normal monotone I am a solid rock voice
there right there in that moment and time my world was forever changed by suicide.
"don't you dare f***ing say that I screamed that is not funny!"
"I am sorry" my father replied ... Did his voice just crack
I hung up the phone and dropped to my knees like something out a bad Law and Order episode I screamed NOOOOOOOOOOO! and curled up and started crying Kelly came out and asked me what was wrong she fell to her knees and comforted me and held me has I beat the floor and cried and wept for my brother.
time passed I called my dad back
barely able to hold my self together I asked what happened I HAVE NEVER HEARD MY FATHER CRY
but weeping into the phone he explained how my brother had gotten drunk and put a gun to his head and ended his life. at 3:15 am Killeen Texas time through tears and pauses my dad described how he had sent out a text message on his phone that said

If you want to come to my funeral call my mom (Grace Lusk)
here is he number 208-**@##%#
-chris

one of his friends had texted my parents and woken them up when they couldn't get through to him they called the police and had them do a wellness check (i have never heard of a wellness check before) the police arrived and the door was locked they called my parents back 45 minuets later asking what type of car he drove it was in the apartment complex another hour later they called asking if he had any id on him
they had found the a body, after a few more minutes it was identified has my brothers body. My Parents were in arizona at the time they decided to come up and visit me and kelly the next day has my mom wanted to get home asap (they live in CDA Idaho)